La Differance

A Shanda!

2008-03-18T16:18:00.001-04:00

It's a shanda that we don't post here anymore - oy what could have been!?

Whitewashed Toes

2006-07-06T00:07:00.000-04:00

Hey Internet -- Any good suggestions for bridal shoes? I'm getting married real, real soon. I thought I'd wear Steve Madden 4-inch platform shoes but the anonymous reviewer on Zappos was right--they hurt my calves. I'm throwing this out there to you: What shoes should I wear to my wedding? I want to be tall but not uncomfortable. If I don't hear back from you within 48 hours, I'm throwing out my computer.

Conversation With Yoda

2005-08-28T23:18:00.000-04:00

One of my MySpace friends has a link to a site where you can have a conversation with Yoda. I only had a few minutes before leaving to visit a friend who is ill so I decided to see if Yoda had any good advice for me. I assumed that a conversation with Yoda would be difficult so I was determined to keep my questions straight and to the point. I didn’t think I would get as frustrated as I did… but see for yourself:

RS: How can I help my sick friend?

Y: Mmm. Friends you have there.

RS: How can I help?

Y: Pass on what you have learned.

RS: What if I haven’t learned anything?

Y: I am wondering, why are you here?

RS: What is the meaning of life?

Y: Remember your failure at the cave!

RS: How can I help my sick friend?

Y: Pass on what you have learned.

RS: Why did you change your answer?

Y: I am wondering, why are you here?

RS: Why do you repeat yourself?

Y: Luminous beings are we... not this crude matter.

RS: Now you're not making any sense.

Y: Mmm. Friends you have there.

RS: Are we going in circles?

Y: Luminous beings are we... not this crude matter.

RS: Do you have anything new to say?

Y: Decide you must how to serve them best. If you leave now, help them you could. But you would destroy all for which they have fought and suffered.

RS: Are you the wisest of the wise?

Y: Help you I can. Yes, mmmm.

RS: Any last words before I leave?

Y: That is the way of things...the way of the Force.

RS: Goodbye.

Y: That is why you fail.

RS: Huh?

Y: No more training do you require. Already know you that which you need.

RS: Got it. Bye.

Y: But beware of the dark side. Anger...fear...agression. The dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight.

RS: Why do you wait to say things until I am about to leave?

Y: Then, only then, a Jedi will you be. And confront him you will.

RS: Now I feel like you're just giving me predetermined answers!

Y: Your weapons...you will not need them.

RS: You are not paying attention to a word I'm saying, are you?

Y: Oh, you will be. You will be.

RS: OK. I've had enough. This is ridiculous. I'm outta here!

Y: If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path, as Vader did, you will become an agent of evil.

RS: So be it.

---------------

So that's it folks - I'm joining the forces of evil. I guess that's what happens when you try to talk philosophy with a ficticious pint sized green monster who talks in backwards nonsensical cliches. See for yourself right here. but don't say I didn't warn you!

Can Someone PLEASE Lend me $78,000.00?

2005-08-25T00:19:00.000-04:00

When we moved back from Israel to the USA four years ago we inherited a dining room table from our grandparents. It was really uncomfortable (notice how the word table is hidden right in that word as if 'uncomfortable' was invented to describe this situation!). So, in frustration at not being able to actually sit at this table we threw it out. Since then we have been eating at a plain folding table - the kind you can get in Costco only theirs is made out of plastic and doesn't cause your back to go out every time you try to move it an inch or two.

And now, finally, my long search is over. I have found the perfect table for my family but I need to borrow some money - so if you have an extra $78,000.00 lying around can you please get in touch with me ASAP!

This table is really worth the money as you can plainly see from the New York Times article about it included below. And please do not try to convince me that the cheap $12,000.00 imitation would be just as good. Because it wouldn't be.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 21, 2005
Pool Table

By PILAR VILADAS
One of the splashier debuts at this year's Milan furniture fair was that of the London company Established & Sons. Contrary to what its name implies, it is run by young upstarts who want to showcase the best of British design and manufacturing talent. The show stopper of its first collection was easily the Aqua table by Zaha Hadid, the architect famous for her dynamic, fluid forms and compositions. While Hadid is no stranger to furniture design -- her chandelier for the Italian firm Sawaya & Moroni was another of the fair's most-talked-about items -- she has outdone herself here. The polyurethane-resin table's arches and asymmetrical curves imply a liquid quality that is rendered even more vivid by its swimming-pool-blue silicone-gel top. ''It's like flying over water,'' Hadid says. And from a less metaphorical point of view, the table's structure allows the top to cantilever well out over the base, so people can sit at the corners without bumping their knees.

This limited-edition blend of poetry and practicality will set you back about $78,000, excluding taxes and shipping. But one of the more interesting aspects of Established & Sons is its insistence on making both couture and off-the-rack versions of its products. So, come next month, mere mortals will be able to buy an all-polyurethane table, minus the gel top, for about $12,000. Think of it as a building for your dining room.

We're in the Space Age now...

2005-08-09T23:55:00.000-04:00

OK here we go

Sometimes a close my hunting that and I think to list of this software is not understand in the

Not a bit staff but I think we need to clarify a number of things I wonder if this would work better if I spoke very very clearly it looks like it would.

I will try to write the law that dictating that’s

I am trying to use voice recognition software – I have not yet trained in this software the race word known known no No No No! I am trying to use a voice recognition software in that I have not yet trained to properly recognize my voice.

Because this software can’t recognize my voice yet it is making funny mistakes although of course when I describe that it is making mistakes suddenly it doesn’t make any mistakes of all. There! You see what I mean? At the problem: for power is now though they we going in,, the on how how high No let’s get the straight this is kind of ridiculous isn’t it’s it’s it to only good is this is frustrating that that that

They think my billing No!

I think mind Bill of the No!

I think my golden No this solution when

I think my goal of the No!

Mine Dylan No!

[OK – I’m inserting here by hand that for the record what I was trying to say there was that my dog could probably take dictation better than this software, and I don’t even have a dog!]

Helped No helped just helped just help with held in the de with All to only get will mind done Old gonna

The end.) That Medium (I hope this gets better)…

Tatoo Fruit

2005-07-19T13:19:00.000-04:00

There's an article in the New York Times today by Julia Moskin entitled Tatooed Fruit Is On Way.

I'm thinking that the word Tatoo shouldn't be applied to fruit. It is a word that, at least in my mind, carries quite a heavy connotation: indelibly marked for life. And while for me it is not an art form I would personally engage in I can still respect that it is (sometimes) a beautiful art form. But fruit is being marked for marketing purposes not art. What are they trying to tell us? Is the increase in tatoos in the last 10 years an evil attempt by the US government to monitor us? Does each tatoo come with an invisible bar code so that people can be tracked? I think the conspiracy theorists should look into this at once!

dream

2005-06-27T23:18:00.000-04:00

we’re sitting in the backyard of 1802 pine street and all of a sudden were like maybe we should take a walk. my backyard winds up to this eyn gedi ype thing and we go to the top and were like is it going to rain? sure enough we see rain clouds gathering and we ask this woman hiking with her little boy who we meet at the top - what do you think? should we go back down?

she’s like as long as you have water, you will be ok. we’re like, cool, cuz we have a full nalgene. ok.
they go back down and we chill for a little. then i get nervous, i say to dara - listen, i cant do this, im getting scared, we have to go back down because i dont kinow if i can take being up here in the rain like this.

so we head back down, and when we’re halfway back down there we stop and see this strange man stopping with his horse so his horse can take a drink, like those biblical high school plays we use to do of abraham or rachel. so i get close to the horse, about to pet it, like wow, what a nice horse, when it gnarls at me, and i’m like whoa. then i realize, yeah, this horse is not happy, this horse is bleeding like from the head and stuff. sure enough, its gushing blood and then somehow we found out, yeah, this guy would like butt rape his horse and when it wouldn’t comply he would beat it over the head with this club.

but ok, we get down and that’s the end of that part. sometime around here i got up to go to the bathroom. then, all of a sudden i’m dreaming again, and i’m in lido beach and the old dining room table but somehow in the new house, like facing the other way, and the house is like a combination of new and old. and im sitting at that table in lido -- the old-new beach house. and janet is there, but she looks more like nuey (although she doesnt look exactly like nuey). but she IS nuey, although she’s janet too, and that’s part of why it’s so confusing and i can’t call her by name in the dream or i’ll fuck it up because as it is i’m not sure
which one she’s actually supposed to be.

so i’m sitting there working on my laptop, and nuey/janet for some reason invites all these people into our backyard -- and i’m like fine, whatever. but then when i’m done working, i go out to the backyard, and after all the people have left i’m like wow, it’s a mess out here, there’s all this sand, and cigarette butts and broken glass. and i’m like how are we ever going to clean this mess up before dad gets home? he’s going to kill us, seriously. so i start to pick up all this broken glass and cigarette butts and shit with my hands. and everyone is like what are you doing? my sister, and zack, dara, everyone is like “what are you doing?”

discuss.

greatest blog in history - from a to z

2005-05-23T15:59:00.000-04:00

that's right, and welcome to it.

why is it the greatest blog?

well, like other greats, it's dying at 27, it has long hair, goes by one name, never gives you a headache or a hangover, will always call when it's going be really late, eats your leftovers, never says 'now its my turn', is newly paved, doesn't get sand in your shorts or bag, is totally rust-proof, has unlimited minutes, has a money-back guarantee, gets the red out, soothes your ego, has a low low apr, doesn't care how loud anything is, won't look in your window, doesn't pollute the environment, and never ever gets a virus

so, i'm guessing this may be the final voyage for this little love fest here.

and in the end

ou est la differance?

z

welcome to the post-area

2005-05-15T19:12:00.000-04:00

so this, i stumbled accross this link when i was organizing my bookmarks

its a group of some sort, and you have possibly seen their handiwork around nyc, that plasters walls, etc with messages of various kinds.
i guess.

anyway, this is a cool video with a cool concept

My Baby Loves the Gamophone!

2005-05-11T15:00:00.000-04:00

I am going to see my baby play baseball this evening. I hope he hits a home run! But seriously. I hope they wear sheer uniforms - so everybody can see his tattoo!

He's number 24, and I'll tell you why: (1) It's the highest number. (2) The number four is aesthetically striking and complicated - all those angles, that wonderful triangle! (3) Throw in a two--one for Zeus, one for Hera; (4) There are also twenty-four more reasons, but I can't tell you what they are for a plethora of reasons that I can't go into right now.

See you at that game, softie!

what a trip

2005-05-10T23:42:00.000-04:00

philly man walks the walk* **, but doesnt talk
- at all
seriously - he only walked anywhere he had to go for twenty-two years.
for seventeen of those years, he didn't talk

and this was all for the environment

i guess it worked

*just watch the ad to get in for free.jeez.
**i update!! see the article for free in the original location..grist

Something to Aspire To

2005-05-10T21:27:00.000-04:00

From our friends at Anguswit:

Check out La Differance, a new blog by Janis. with help from Zack and Rav.

If the past is any guide, this should be a rather soft-spoken affair, with gently expressed opinions, scrupulous respect for other viewpoints, and an almost religious commitment to finding common ground. Enjoy.

Well, so what if he wasn't updated on our ever-growing number of members, here at LD. Come on guys, let's fight! I have my reputation on the line, here!

Sprung?

2005-05-10T18:59:00.000-04:00

It's amazing! No matter what vowel(s) you put between the consonants spr and ng the resulting word has a very strong connotation of dramatic action.

Try these: Sproing. Spring. Sprang. Spraing. Sproung. Spryng. Spreeng. Spreing. Sprying. Sproong... Say them out loud. Let them roll off your tongue. See how they sound? Action!

You can even add an ing to any of the above and it still works.

And then there's spreng. Hmmmm.... Not as good but could still work for animals - as in "Yesterday my dog Simbad was exhausted from all his sprenging at the beach."

why things shouldn't be put in writing

2005-05-10T18:39:00.000-04:00

miriam should know as a lawyer.
dated nov 22 on my blog:

great, just what we need - another blogger in pajamas with a laptop who thinks we care about her laundry. jesus.
Love, Big sister.

love,

little sister

p.s. nati, i hope you're enjoying the tv.

nice to feel like i belong

2005-05-10T17:17:00.000-04:00

i am honoured to be a part of the newest, hippest and badest (in the michael jackson sense) blog. let the fun begin!

What a waste.

2005-05-10T17:06:00.000-04:00

When the lights went out, Zack sprung into action: Quick, light some candles. Where's that flashlight? Oh, yeah, right here on my key chain, where I keep it for moments like these (and for seeing behind my computers). But it wasn't the monumental, news-breaking blackout we had hoped for--we found this out pretty quickly when Nati called and said that his lights were as turned on as a Runaway Bride in Vegas. So we took our wine outside, joined our neighbors for some chain smoking in the dark, and waited. And waited. Not a few hours later, our lights were back on without much fanfare. What a waste.

I picked up Adam Gopnik's Paris to the Moon for the second time in five years, and read a few more articles. Adam Gopnik is very smart, yes, very creative, but too pretentious. Funny how I didn't notice that five years ago. What a waste.

I just got back from the gym, and don't feel the slightest bit thinner. What a waste.

When Your Switch Is Not The Only Switch

2005-05-10T00:28:00.000-04:00

When your switch is not
The only switch in town
You need to keep an eye on it
Though in the dark it's hard
To know exactly where it's gone.
I speak metaphorically of course
It has not left my office.
When the people who designed my floor
Decided where to place
Override controls
On light conditions in my office.
They chose a place
Too far away
For me to see.
Neither I nor any other future occupant
Was to be trusted apparently.
Placed beside the entrance lobby door
For all to try
And I am never sure
When the lights go on
And off in my office
Who the person switching
My switch on or off is.

you can't spell welcome without me

2005-05-09T19:19:00.000-04:00

yet you can spell welco - which is almost like the band,
but just as also like the juice

its a beautiful evening in philadelphia

and i feel fine

Unfinished Business

2005-05-09T09:51:00.000-04:00

Dear "Rav,"
OK, I will call you "Rav." But I need to put it in quotes. What, you think it's cooler than Rabbi because it's in Hebrew, and more obscure? I say Hebrew-Schmebrew.

Shady art dealings update: The Toledo Blade reports that some stolen rare coins, bought by collector Mr. Noe with Worker's Compensation funds, are now suspected to have been stolen by Mr. Noe himself. (Mr. Noe was also investigated late last year for some sketchy contributions he made to our then-incumbent President). Which brings me back to the advice I give art collectors and urban hipsters alike--always, always know your dealer.

While I would not at all be surprised to learn that the victim is the thief in this case, as it is in many cases of art theft, I must note that Toledo law enforcement is acting a little childish. Mr. Noe has been made the prime suspect in this investigation primarily because police are upset that Mr. Noe has been trying to recover the coins himself, and has not yet even reported the theft. I understand that there might be a few blue-suited bruised egos wandering around Toledo, but Noe has the right idea. (His name is, after all, Mr. Noe!) He's much more likely to get the coins back by at least looking like someone who would negotiate with art thieves. Hey, all respectable dealers know how to play a little cat and mouse.

It's Time To Move On

2005-05-09T02:14:00.000-04:00

Yes. I'll post. On one condition. You, and by you I mean you and all your cohorts, have to stop calling me Rabbi!

It's time to catch up with the rest of the known world. My name is Rav.

Rav Shmuel 00770

Yes that's me - undercover agent for Chabad Lubavitch. Fighting to rescue the forces of good from the unceasingly relentless and superfluous attacks by Jews for Jesus freaks.

So it's your call. If you agree to my terms I'll post. If not I'm getting lost. (In a perfect world those last two sentences would actually rhyme seeing as the last words are spelled in the same way and all...)

Meanwhile you can refer to my own personal blog at http://ravshmuel.blogspot.com/

Chanukkah is, like, so over.

2005-05-08T22:02:00.000-04:00

Rabbi Skaist,
Will you please begin posting on the blog like a regular person, instead of just commenting on what I say? Thanks. How are you going to beat Matisyahu in the battle of the bands, if you keep beating around the bush like this? Anyway, thanks for joining us, good to see you here.

Runaway Bride Update!

2005-05-08T19:31:00.000-04:00

Maybe we all a little bit suspected that our Jennifer wasn't a first-time offender. But that she broke up with a contractor eight years ago, after the two had already picked out an engagement ring and, I presume, also registered for wedding gifts (you can find Wilbanks' current wedding registry for, among other things, Prada silverware, easily on the Internet, but only if you care enough)! This -- THIS -- is too much. No! She broke up with him on the telephone! I tell you, this is the story that keeps on giving. And, wait, there's more! It turns out, that with THAT guy, she insisted on NOT having sex, even though, she supposedly ran out on John Mason because of his virginal ways! Which rumor is true? Which NY Post story to believe? Will we ever know? Oh, Jennifer, please talk to us!

I also wonder why her family was freaking out - going on national television, making crying fools of themselves and a suspect of their son-in-law (to be?), offering $100,000 rewards, when they, with all due respect, had more that one reason to think that maybe, just maybe, little Jenny had skipped town. And we thought Jewish mothers were alarmist!

Right BiGuy seeks 17/m for uncomfortable tryst

2005-05-08T18:51:00.000-04:00

Let's play drag the politician through the streets, now featuring the Mayor of Spokane, Washington! But seriously. The story is more sad than astonishing. Both because this is what happens when you try to enter politics and stick up for an idea--your personal life is exposed, with all of its complexities to the public for scutiny. But even sadder that this is the essence of faith, sometimes - a dislike of oneself.

But I still don't understand why a mayor who has structured his political career on an ant-gay platform would trust some 17 year old high school student! I mean, that's just not that smart. I have kind of a big mouth, but even I could figure that one out. Well, maybe.

Good music, good wine, no sex

2005-05-07T20:40:00.000-04:00

The runaway bride did just want to get laid, at least according to People magazine. I thought John Mason was just trying to save face when he said that he and Jennifer weren't "really" living together, but no, it turns out they weren't having sex because he is a "born-again virgin" and it really bugged our poor bride. Clearly. But here's an alternate explanation.

The best music to listen to on the Ipod generally: Magnetic Fields.
The best music to listen to on the Ipod for working out: The Rolling Stones.
The song of the day: Cinderella Rockefella by Abi and Esther Ofarim.

I had the best glass of wine today on the streets of Philadelphia from the Le Bec Fin booth at the expensive fair, which, incidentally, had all the elements of a Madison Avenue free-for-all, but with less Gucci and no celebrity spokespeople.

Michael Jackson is Innocent!

2005-05-06T19:39:00.000-04:00

As innocent as the day is long. That's my expert opinion, folks.

The Tainted Bride

2005-05-06T14:37:00.000-04:00

Why, oh why, can I not get enough of this Runaway Bride story? Well, yes, there is the strikingly poetic image of the bride on a Greyhound bus. There is the intrigue of deception. But I think what really gets me is this: She's walking around with those bug eyes, and her cab driver couldn't get up and say - wait a second, I drove this girl to the Greyhound bus station on the day she disappeared. She requested off from work to fix her crinolines on the day she disappeared, but her boss couldn't go over to her desperate mother and say - um, I don't think she's dead, because she did request the day off from work, maybe she went somewhere. And her mother wouldn't immediately know that there was nothing wrong with her crinolines, and she must be off like a wedding gown to god-knows-where. Are these people just totally oblivious? Are these southern manners? But the whole town was looking for her! And why would she request a rape test? Do you think she slept with someone in Vegas and wanted to pass the thing off as rape?

Waiting with baited breath until the next press conference!

A

2005-05-06T13:05:00.000-04:00

Let me take a moment to explain my title. The French philosopher/literary theorist/father of deconstructionism and the name-dropper's all-purpose accessory Jacques Derrida's linguistic principle is that langugae is both a differing and a deferring - a differance, if you will. For example. At first the "a" where the "e" should be in the word "differance" strikes you as odd, right? So meaning is deferred. It is also differed - one thing you know (after I tell you that the (mis)spelling is intentional) is that "differance" is not "difference." So it is with all language. I say a word, and you understand it in context of what I say next, and as contrasted with what I am not saying - as I continue writing, you understand more and more of what I am saying, and the world of what I'm not saying grows larger. Meaning is what it isn't. Understanding is postponed. And all of this from one misplaced letter - iconically enough, the letter "A."

And so it is with blogs. The only ones worth reading are those that say something that is not already being said in a different medium. And even when those meaningful blogs are read, the blogger's communication of the message is postponed until some real journalist picks up the story.

Now, I don't claim to be worth reading, really. But I do claim to have one of the best titles in the blogosphere! Thanks, Jacques Derrida!